by Kathryn Jane
Just when I thought I had everything under control…life happened.
I got so sick with the flu that I could barely speak or make the twenty-foot trek to the bathroom alone.
Did I mention I NEVER get sick? Yeah, well, I guess I can’t say that anymore. On day five, I managed a 3 minute shower, and a whole cup of soup (in two sittings).
But here’s the thing,
I was apparently on the list for wakeup calls. Running around as though I was invincible, taking on project after project, putting in eighteen hours at the computer, seven days a week. I thought I was in control… of everything!
Today when the haze of illness began to lift and I was simply sitting still, doing NOTHING, it became very clear. I had been spiraling out of control for several months.
I suppose it began to escalate in September with my conference season. Each one I attended sent me home more energized, more excited, and filled with more ideas.
I was ready to tackle whatever came my way—with the tiny cheerleaders in my head thrusting their scrawny arms skyward to shake their tinsel pompoms and egg me on…
I’ve published three new books since August and have a forth set to publish soon. I’ve painted dozens and dozens of rocks for my fundraising auctions as well as many private commissions, and others just because. Blogs have been written, and several hundred authors guided through my online or in-person workshops.
None of this feels like work, because of the tiny cheerleaders… but…
I sailed past my sixtieth birthday a few years ago, I’m skinny. And apparently, I don’t have unlimited resources.
Microscopic critters somehow gained access to my bloodstream and proved that.
Knocked me down good and hard, and with no extra meat on my bones, not eating for days meant resources got seriously depleted very quickly.
Tuesday morning I called my friend to cancel a riding date, because even though I only had a sore throat, and felt great, I didn’t want to share germs if this was more than an allergy issue.
Four hours later I could barely stand. Six hours later, I was flat on my back wishing I was dead.
I’ll spare you the gorey details but suffice to say, I had the stuffing knocked out of me.
And today, when I looked for the positive, I realized I’d forgotten to allow myself time to relax. Sure there were the lovely rides in the park, and the wonderful visits with the feral cats, but these were worked into very tight time slots which took a great deal of the good away from them.
Another crazy thing that happened on Tuesday morning was a message from my editor. She had a computer melt down, and was going to have trouble making deadline. I responded blithely with, “Don’t worry. The universe must have a plan for this. We’ll just ride it out.”
Talk about a brick upside the head.
I get it.
My wellbeing is more important than the date a book is ready for release. Yes, some people will be disappointed, and some sales might be missed, but that’s life, right? I could no more work on getting the book up and ready next week than fly right now, so CATS #5 was obviously not meant to be released in print form before Christmas. Got it.
Instead, as soon as I’m able I’ll work on painting the rocks already commissioned, and if the dates get tight, I’ll send them by courier to make sure they reach their destinations on time. With the current state of my health, that’s the best I can do. And I’m good with that. I hope everyone else is too.
While I get back on my feet, I’m going to remember to stop and smell the coffee and enjoy the man in my house who has been such an exceptional caregiver this week.
And I’m going to give myself the gift of time every single day to do absolutely nothing, for an hour or two.
Wish me luck!
For anyone interested in how this pans out, or wanting to know more about me and my books and stuff, here’s a link to my website kathrynjane.com